I hate my job. There I said it. I am a stay at home mom and I hate my job. Now before you judge me, I don't hate my kids. I hate my job. Why is it that people who work outside the home have the priviledge of hating their jobs but not us stay at home mothers? I don't always hate it. Sometimes when the house is really quiet, the dishes are done and the house is clean, well then I enjoy my job. Usually though I just hate it. I mentally count how many years I have until freedom. I know after my previous post about ungratefulness that this may sound contradictory but this is how I feel today. I am grateful that I'm the one taking care of my kids and not daycare. I'm grateful that I can see their accomplishments and kiss their boo's boo's. I love seeing them smile and laugh. It puts a smile on my face to see their little legs pump and move when I take them to the park. Yet... I hate my job. I want to converse with adults and wear cute clothes and feel attractive. I want to recognize the weekend from weekdays. You see everyday is the same for stay-at-home moms. Saturday is just like monday and vice versus. I want a chance to miss my kids. So I think of this job as anyone else thinks of their job and I'm looking forward to retirement. Now my dream job would be one where I could balance the two. Maybe work two days per week and spend the other days taking care of the kids. Now this is what I think now, but you know how the saying "the grass is always greener" goes? You always want what you don't have. When I was single I wanted to be married. When I got married... Well I think you get the picture. Now don't get me wrong, I love being married but I can now look back and clearly see the perks I had as a single gal. The same with kids. I love them tremendously BUT I definitely miss the days before kids. So today when my kids woke me up at 7:30am and immediately started asking for yogurt and milk, well I thought to myself " I hate my job". Now later when I've sufficiently tired them out and I clean my house, prepare my supper and lay them down for a nap. Well then I'll look around and think "this isn't so bad" and at that point I'll feel a twinge of guilt for hating it earlier.
Do you feel guilty for hating your job?
the diva
Monday, August 17, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Being grateful
I've been in sort of a funk this weekend. My little one's (two & three) keep asking "mommy are you happy?" in their little innocent voices. I always say "yes" and then they ask "why?". I respond that "mommy's happy because you guys are healthy". Now then the three year old usually ask if "funny faces will make me happy". Now of course I say "yes", and then he proceeds to do funny faces for me and I proceed to laugh (fake laugh). You want to know the truth though? A lot of times I'm not happy. I'm tired of being home with these kids all day. I'm tired of being mommy with everyone pulling on me to do things. "Can you get me?..." or "I need..."
Sometimes I feel like I want to scream! I think to myself, " I just want to go home" by home, I mean the home I used to have before I married and had babies. In essence "going home" is going back to the past. I wonder if I've made a huge mistake by marrying and having kids and becoming a stepmom or stepmonster as I'm sure my stepson thinks I am.
I just want to go home......
Back to my three bedroom ranch home in MI where I just worried about myself. Where if I cleaned the house, it stayed clean. Where MY family resides. Where Christmas and Thanksgiving is familiar with familiar dishes and traditions. Where MY family have my back at all times and where I feel comfortable and at home. I sometimes wonder if this place will ever feel like home. Will it? I feel so alone sometimes, no friends, no family, no nothing. Just me. BUT then I think about the many things that I am blessed with. I think about the accident I saw on the news where a mother and children were killed. I look at the television commercials where children are starving. I look at the commercials where children and people are dying of cancer and other diseases. I think about how I just received news that a girl I grew up with, just died of cancer. I should be grateful. Grateful that I have a roof over my head, and that my husband has a job. Thankful that while my husbands Saturday golfing irritates me sometimes, at least he's not out creeping and cheatin or knocking me upside the head. Truly thankful that my kids are healthy and I and my husband are healthy. Thankful that while my stepson can be a pain in the ass sometimes, he is definitely not the monster that I read about on some of these stepparent websites (check out some of these stories and you will truly be thankful!).
Being grateful is a task that we should be putting to the front of our mind constantly. We should be teaching our kids to be grateful. My generation and future generations have become big whiners. We whine about what we don't have and we don't thank God for what we do have. We whine because we don't have enough money to buy a new outfit, or get our hair or nails done. There are people out there who don't have the basic needs, such as food and shelter. How horrible it must be as a mother or father to send a child to bed hungry. Or to not be able to provide clothing or a small toy for them. How wonderfully blessed am I! That I have food in my pantry, and refrigerator. That my children have more toys and gadgets that I literally have room to store. That I have enough money to go and simply have a doughnut. We take so many things for granted and we watch our children grow up with this same ungrateful mentality. "It's not fair!" my three year old has begun to whine. Which is the same thing my stepson still whines. These are kids who have everything! Yet they constantly whine about what they don't have. Is this the message we are sending them? Sometimes I feel like such a failure as a mother when I don't give my children a fantastic day. A day filled with all sorts of activities that cost me money. Maybe I am the culprit that sends this false message to my children. Kids today always want to be on the move. "Mom lets go somewhere!" my kids demand. I too also feel like if we don't go somewhere then we haven't done anything. As a kid I don't ever remember "going anywhere" except maybe grocery shopping or the laundromat. Sometimes the occosional trip to Sears. We went outside and found things to do inside. We rode our bikes or played board games. We used our imagination. On those rare occasions that we really went somewhere, like to the circus or to the zoo, we were grateful. We were excited! Look at our kids today. They have $400 video games, along with $60 games. They have boxes and boxes of toys, and they still whine for more. They have cabinets full of DVD's that they don't watch. Yet they whine for more. Ungratefulness.
Simplicity is the key to being gratefull. The reason why our kids don't take care of the things we buy them is because they have an abundance of them. The reason WE don't take care of things we ourselves possess is because we have too much. I remember getting new clothes three times per year. A very small amount when school started the bulk at christmas, and a few things for the summer. The rest were passed down from cousins and older siblings. And you know what? I was grateful at Christmas for those clothes. We got toys also, but usually one or two really special things. The rest was just inexpensive filler like crayons or boardgames. For things like birthdays we received "useful" things like a new coat, or a new outfit that we really wanted. Going out to a restaurant or fast food joint was a huge treat for us. Friday was payday and McDonalds day and the only place I ever remember going. We didn't get Big Mac's and Double sandwiches. We got a cheeseburger, fries and small drink and we were grateful. Kids today go out to eat more than they eat at home, and it's made them ungrateful. They don't even look at the price before they order and they never say "thanks mom or thanks dad". They take these things for granted because they are ungrateful. Our kids don't want to work for anything because we give them too much. Growing up we had a cat but we still had mice. I asked my dad "why isn't Tiger (cat's name) catching all of these mice?" My dad's response "She's not hungy, because you feed her too much". Once we cut back her food she had a NEED to catch mice. You know what else? When I did feed her, the food didn't sit in her bowl as in the past. Now she ran to her food bowl as soon as the food hit the bowl. She was now grateful.
I am going to make a concentrated effort to be more grateful for the things I do have. I am going to make my children more grateful by cutting back their intake. I pledge to be more grateful and not raise ungrateful children.
What about you? Have you thought about what you are truly grateful for? Are your kids grateful?
Black Wonderwoman
Sometimes I feel like I want to scream! I think to myself, " I just want to go home" by home, I mean the home I used to have before I married and had babies. In essence "going home" is going back to the past. I wonder if I've made a huge mistake by marrying and having kids and becoming a stepmom or stepmonster as I'm sure my stepson thinks I am.
I just want to go home......
Back to my three bedroom ranch home in MI where I just worried about myself. Where if I cleaned the house, it stayed clean. Where MY family resides. Where Christmas and Thanksgiving is familiar with familiar dishes and traditions. Where MY family have my back at all times and where I feel comfortable and at home. I sometimes wonder if this place will ever feel like home. Will it? I feel so alone sometimes, no friends, no family, no nothing. Just me. BUT then I think about the many things that I am blessed with. I think about the accident I saw on the news where a mother and children were killed. I look at the television commercials where children are starving. I look at the commercials where children and people are dying of cancer and other diseases. I think about how I just received news that a girl I grew up with, just died of cancer. I should be grateful. Grateful that I have a roof over my head, and that my husband has a job. Thankful that while my husbands Saturday golfing irritates me sometimes, at least he's not out creeping and cheatin or knocking me upside the head. Truly thankful that my kids are healthy and I and my husband are healthy. Thankful that while my stepson can be a pain in the ass sometimes, he is definitely not the monster that I read about on some of these stepparent websites (check out some of these stories and you will truly be thankful!).
Being grateful is a task that we should be putting to the front of our mind constantly. We should be teaching our kids to be grateful. My generation and future generations have become big whiners. We whine about what we don't have and we don't thank God for what we do have. We whine because we don't have enough money to buy a new outfit, or get our hair or nails done. There are people out there who don't have the basic needs, such as food and shelter. How horrible it must be as a mother or father to send a child to bed hungry. Or to not be able to provide clothing or a small toy for them. How wonderfully blessed am I! That I have food in my pantry, and refrigerator. That my children have more toys and gadgets that I literally have room to store. That I have enough money to go and simply have a doughnut. We take so many things for granted and we watch our children grow up with this same ungrateful mentality. "It's not fair!" my three year old has begun to whine. Which is the same thing my stepson still whines. These are kids who have everything! Yet they constantly whine about what they don't have. Is this the message we are sending them? Sometimes I feel like such a failure as a mother when I don't give my children a fantastic day. A day filled with all sorts of activities that cost me money. Maybe I am the culprit that sends this false message to my children. Kids today always want to be on the move. "Mom lets go somewhere!" my kids demand. I too also feel like if we don't go somewhere then we haven't done anything. As a kid I don't ever remember "going anywhere" except maybe grocery shopping or the laundromat. Sometimes the occosional trip to Sears. We went outside and found things to do inside. We rode our bikes or played board games. We used our imagination. On those rare occasions that we really went somewhere, like to the circus or to the zoo, we were grateful. We were excited! Look at our kids today. They have $400 video games, along with $60 games. They have boxes and boxes of toys, and they still whine for more. They have cabinets full of DVD's that they don't watch. Yet they whine for more. Ungratefulness.
Simplicity is the key to being gratefull. The reason why our kids don't take care of the things we buy them is because they have an abundance of them. The reason WE don't take care of things we ourselves possess is because we have too much. I remember getting new clothes three times per year. A very small amount when school started the bulk at christmas, and a few things for the summer. The rest were passed down from cousins and older siblings. And you know what? I was grateful at Christmas for those clothes. We got toys also, but usually one or two really special things. The rest was just inexpensive filler like crayons or boardgames. For things like birthdays we received "useful" things like a new coat, or a new outfit that we really wanted. Going out to a restaurant or fast food joint was a huge treat for us. Friday was payday and McDonalds day and the only place I ever remember going. We didn't get Big Mac's and Double sandwiches. We got a cheeseburger, fries and small drink and we were grateful. Kids today go out to eat more than they eat at home, and it's made them ungrateful. They don't even look at the price before they order and they never say "thanks mom or thanks dad". They take these things for granted because they are ungrateful. Our kids don't want to work for anything because we give them too much. Growing up we had a cat but we still had mice. I asked my dad "why isn't Tiger (cat's name) catching all of these mice?" My dad's response "She's not hungy, because you feed her too much". Once we cut back her food she had a NEED to catch mice. You know what else? When I did feed her, the food didn't sit in her bowl as in the past. Now she ran to her food bowl as soon as the food hit the bowl. She was now grateful.
I am going to make a concentrated effort to be more grateful for the things I do have. I am going to make my children more grateful by cutting back their intake. I pledge to be more grateful and not raise ungrateful children.
What about you? Have you thought about what you are truly grateful for? Are your kids grateful?
Black Wonderwoman
Friday, August 14, 2009
Where have I been?
Wow! That's a good question. I've been here, but just really busy. My goal was to post every day on this thing, but it seems I post once per year! I guess I'll just keep on making the same commitment to myself, and eventually I'll fulfill it. Okay just to catch you up. My summer has been ok. It's just been just my little one's and myself as my stepson has been away with his mom for the summer. It was kind of nice having a break from a teenager for the summer. It's like you miss them and then you don't... Praise God that cat was also away for the summer! Although their was drama around where Mr. Cat would spend his summer.
Which I still don't understand.
I mean we didn't purchase the cat so why would cat spend the summer with us without his owner present? Well my husband's baby mama didn't quite see it that way. She was livid that the cat SHE purchased to live in HER home was coming for the summer. Oh well! She got him. I mean who buys an animal for someone in the midst of a custody trial anyway?
The summer is almost over and my stepson will be returning. I think this year will be a better year for all involved. We know more of what to expect from an academic standpoint, and we know where we need to stand our ground. My husband and I plan to go into this year united and on the same page! At least that's what we have agreed upon.... My three year old will be attending two days of preschool this year! I'm excited for him, and nervous at the same time. I love that lil booger so much! That will leave me and the two year old with alone time... I'm kinda looking forward to that also. We don't get too much time when it's just the girls, so maybe this will be fun. For myself I will be taking two more classes this semester. Now I'm really nervous about the math class.
Math is my criptonite.
It is that of which I have always feared.
It is that dark place for me.
In other words I am scared out of my mind. Now don't laugh, but it's a PRE alegebra class... I know. I feel so stupid. How is it that I can be this intelligent woman and still not get "middle-school" math! Somewhere along the way "I didn't get it". Unfortunately for me noone ever caught on that the chick in the back with the MC Lyte bob, and gold bamboo earrings "didn't get it". So since then I've been avoiding academics because of my fear of math. I'm carrying a 3.8 gpa right now but that math thing just really scares me. You know what though? The more I talk to other women I realize that I'm not alone. So many women I speak to say that they avoided certain majors in college because of the amount of math involved. How sad is that? I know that one thing I will do with my little girl is make sure that she conquers any math fears early. I'm 38 and just now preparing to slay my math dragon.
So question of the day. Are you afraid of math? Have you slayed your math dragon?
Which I still don't understand.
I mean we didn't purchase the cat so why would cat spend the summer with us without his owner present? Well my husband's baby mama didn't quite see it that way. She was livid that the cat SHE purchased to live in HER home was coming for the summer. Oh well! She got him. I mean who buys an animal for someone in the midst of a custody trial anyway?
The summer is almost over and my stepson will be returning. I think this year will be a better year for all involved. We know more of what to expect from an academic standpoint, and we know where we need to stand our ground. My husband and I plan to go into this year united and on the same page! At least that's what we have agreed upon.... My three year old will be attending two days of preschool this year! I'm excited for him, and nervous at the same time. I love that lil booger so much! That will leave me and the two year old with alone time... I'm kinda looking forward to that also. We don't get too much time when it's just the girls, so maybe this will be fun. For myself I will be taking two more classes this semester. Now I'm really nervous about the math class.
Math is my criptonite.
It is that of which I have always feared.
It is that dark place for me.
In other words I am scared out of my mind. Now don't laugh, but it's a PRE alegebra class... I know. I feel so stupid. How is it that I can be this intelligent woman and still not get "middle-school" math! Somewhere along the way "I didn't get it". Unfortunately for me noone ever caught on that the chick in the back with the MC Lyte bob, and gold bamboo earrings "didn't get it". So since then I've been avoiding academics because of my fear of math. I'm carrying a 3.8 gpa right now but that math thing just really scares me. You know what though? The more I talk to other women I realize that I'm not alone. So many women I speak to say that they avoided certain majors in college because of the amount of math involved. How sad is that? I know that one thing I will do with my little girl is make sure that she conquers any math fears early. I'm 38 and just now preparing to slay my math dragon.
So question of the day. Are you afraid of math? Have you slayed your math dragon?
Friday, February 6, 2009
I love Fridays!
Wow! It's Friday already. This week has flown by, I didn't post yesterday. Everyone else seemed to be hogging the computer up. My hubby was home because I had a dental appointment. Last year I made a resolution to complete all my dental work, and stay on point from that perspective. Well I didn't. Sooo this year, I'm really trying to follow through. I had my cleaning and exam yesterday, and I made appointments for my crown and fillings. Yep fillings plural, I need six of them! My only consolation is that these are probably pretty old cavities. So I had an appointment today, but I will have to reschedule as I have no babysitter. I really hate it not living close to my own family. With them I would always have a sitter, but oh well. I'm pretty nervous about the dentist. I know that it's because of past fears AND past pain.
Okay you should hear the background noise right about now. My 1 year old is screaming and crying because she dropped her elmo toy on the ground (I've picked it up several times already). I just got through yelling "EAT YOUR WAFFLES!" I swear those rugrats get up SO early that I never have time to do anything! I love them, but..... My goodness I get tired of everybody calling me. Now my 3 year old is starting. His philosophy is just to keep calling "mommy" until I answer. He is very persistent. Now they both claim they are done with breakfast, but I bet not five minutes later, they will be begging for a snack. Ahhh Motherhood!
Questions today are:
How do you handle babysitting issues?
Are you still afraid of the dentist?
Okay you should hear the background noise right about now. My 1 year old is screaming and crying because she dropped her elmo toy on the ground (I've picked it up several times already). I just got through yelling "EAT YOUR WAFFLES!" I swear those rugrats get up SO early that I never have time to do anything! I love them, but..... My goodness I get tired of everybody calling me. Now my 3 year old is starting. His philosophy is just to keep calling "mommy" until I answer. He is very persistent. Now they both claim they are done with breakfast, but I bet not five minutes later, they will be begging for a snack. Ahhh Motherhood!
Questions today are:
How do you handle babysitting issues?
Are you still afraid of the dentist?
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Hump day but feeling like wonderwoman!
So, I'm not as tired as I thought I would be this morning. I was up until close to 2am completing some science homework. Alas, I have fallen behind and it's only the third week into the semester. Those on-line classes can be a killer if you lack the discipline. I actually would have preferred to take it in a class-room setting, but my schedule, or should I say my husbands schedule wouldn't allow it.
So I wake up at a little after 5am to the rambling around of my husband. I'm feeling a bit guilty because I didn't make his lunch last night, so I run to the kitchen to put together a salad to go with the last of the turkey lasagna. I throw a few strawberries in there (aren't I sweet?!) and a granola bar. I've fixed him a healthy versatile lunch and I feel like the black wonderwoman that lurks inside me from time to time. Now that my adrenaline is pumping, I go ahead and wake my stepson, and make him lunch. Now I could have slept for about ten more minutes, but I'm afraid that I'll get sleepy again. I give him a choice of p&j or turkey, he chooses p&j. I add some strawberries (see, no wicked stepmother here!) some smart popcorn, a capri sun (yeah I know... lots of sugar), a granola bar, and I feel even more wonderwomanish. Now I'm in high gear, so I decide to make him a hot breakfast of turkey bacon, eggs, and waffles. Now before this he was moving oh so slow, but once he smells the bacon cooking he speeds up the process. He kinda creeps into the kitchen with a very sweet disposition, "uh did you call me?" he ask Now this booger knows I didn't call him! I smile to myself, and say "no, but I'm making you a hot breakfast this morning". "Thanks!" he says smiling. He can be so sweet when he wants to be. So I send him off to the bathroom to wash face, brush teeth and comb and moisturize hair. Humph! I bet your thinking, "isn't he 14?!" Yeah he is, but he's one of those late bloomers and everything, and I mean everything has to be told to him a couple dozen times before it's actually done. One day I think it will catch on... I hope. So he douses his breakfast with syrup, and is now happily playing James Bond Quantum of solace until it's time to catch the bus.
I wash my morning dishes, and put away my last night dishes. Then that nasty cat comes into my kitchen, which he is not allowed to be in, and sniffs inside my cabinets by my skillets. Ewwww! Of course I chase him out, and now have to rewash the skillets. It's strange because when I was a kid, I had a cat for many years and loved her immensly. I never thought she was nasty, but now that I'm an adult, and I've inherited a cat through my stepson, I perceive it as NASTY! Oh, I forgot to tell you about the cat, didn't I?
Well my stepsons mother (ie husband babies mama) decided to get him a cat last year, smack dab in the middle of the custody trial. Uh huh... Well when my husband won (to everyones surprise) she benovently let him take the cat with him! Yeah.... Oh but he couldn't bring the litterbox, or the carrier or any of the cat's toys. Just the cat. Yeah I think you get the picture. So not only did I have to adjust to now being a full-time stepmother, but I had to adjust to a cat in my home.
He doesn't do that great of job taking care of the cat either, but we are trying to stay on him, to teach him responsibility. I tell you what though, that cat has gained weight since he's been here, and my little one's love him. The first time I come in my home and smell cat, I'm going to pitch a fit. The litter box is kept in the basement (the unfinished basement...long story) but would you believe that at my stepsons moms home the litterbox was kept in the kitchen! Double eww! So he says that the reason he keeps forgetting to clean it, is because he doesn't see it (I kinda understand that theory) but that still doesn't excuse it.
Now he desperately wants a dog, but that's not going to happen for a very long time. I'm talking adulthood. My husband also wants a dog. Everybody wants a dog, but they all want me to take care of it. Cause of course, I don't have anything else to do because I'm a bonbon eating, soap opera watching, afternoon sleeping stay at home mom, or as they call us sahm. Yeah right! I was very tempted to let them have their dog, but then I really thought about it. My husband doesn't get home until after 8pm some nights, and I can't even get my stepson to clean up water on the bathroom sink. My stepson rarely plays with the cat which results in him crying and wandering around the house looking pitiful, until I have mercy on him. So how in the world will he walk the dog?! He hates to do anything physical, and would prefer to just play xbox 360 all day, and I do mean all day long. My husband loves to golf, and once warm weather hits, he'll be golfing Tuesdays and Saturdays for many hours. So who is going to be left to care for this dog, who will need attention and exercise. Yep you guessed it, yours truly. So I used Godly wisdom, and dug my heels in on the dog issue. So I know this was a long post, but I'm a writer, what can I say? So questions for today are:
What makes you feel like wonderwoman?
Should stay at home mothers responsibility include taking of care of pets?
So I wake up at a little after 5am to the rambling around of my husband. I'm feeling a bit guilty because I didn't make his lunch last night, so I run to the kitchen to put together a salad to go with the last of the turkey lasagna. I throw a few strawberries in there (aren't I sweet?!) and a granola bar. I've fixed him a healthy versatile lunch and I feel like the black wonderwoman that lurks inside me from time to time. Now that my adrenaline is pumping, I go ahead and wake my stepson, and make him lunch. Now I could have slept for about ten more minutes, but I'm afraid that I'll get sleepy again. I give him a choice of p&j or turkey, he chooses p&j. I add some strawberries (see, no wicked stepmother here!) some smart popcorn, a capri sun (yeah I know... lots of sugar), a granola bar, and I feel even more wonderwomanish. Now I'm in high gear, so I decide to make him a hot breakfast of turkey bacon, eggs, and waffles. Now before this he was moving oh so slow, but once he smells the bacon cooking he speeds up the process. He kinda creeps into the kitchen with a very sweet disposition, "uh did you call me?" he ask Now this booger knows I didn't call him! I smile to myself, and say "no, but I'm making you a hot breakfast this morning". "Thanks!" he says smiling. He can be so sweet when he wants to be. So I send him off to the bathroom to wash face, brush teeth and comb and moisturize hair. Humph! I bet your thinking, "isn't he 14?!" Yeah he is, but he's one of those late bloomers and everything, and I mean everything has to be told to him a couple dozen times before it's actually done. One day I think it will catch on... I hope. So he douses his breakfast with syrup, and is now happily playing James Bond Quantum of solace until it's time to catch the bus.
I wash my morning dishes, and put away my last night dishes. Then that nasty cat comes into my kitchen, which he is not allowed to be in, and sniffs inside my cabinets by my skillets. Ewwww! Of course I chase him out, and now have to rewash the skillets. It's strange because when I was a kid, I had a cat for many years and loved her immensly. I never thought she was nasty, but now that I'm an adult, and I've inherited a cat through my stepson, I perceive it as NASTY! Oh, I forgot to tell you about the cat, didn't I?
Well my stepsons mother (ie husband babies mama) decided to get him a cat last year, smack dab in the middle of the custody trial. Uh huh... Well when my husband won (to everyones surprise) she benovently let him take the cat with him! Yeah.... Oh but he couldn't bring the litterbox, or the carrier or any of the cat's toys. Just the cat. Yeah I think you get the picture. So not only did I have to adjust to now being a full-time stepmother, but I had to adjust to a cat in my home.
He doesn't do that great of job taking care of the cat either, but we are trying to stay on him, to teach him responsibility. I tell you what though, that cat has gained weight since he's been here, and my little one's love him. The first time I come in my home and smell cat, I'm going to pitch a fit. The litter box is kept in the basement (the unfinished basement...long story) but would you believe that at my stepsons moms home the litterbox was kept in the kitchen! Double eww! So he says that the reason he keeps forgetting to clean it, is because he doesn't see it (I kinda understand that theory) but that still doesn't excuse it.
Now he desperately wants a dog, but that's not going to happen for a very long time. I'm talking adulthood. My husband also wants a dog. Everybody wants a dog, but they all want me to take care of it. Cause of course, I don't have anything else to do because I'm a bonbon eating, soap opera watching, afternoon sleeping stay at home mom, or as they call us sahm. Yeah right! I was very tempted to let them have their dog, but then I really thought about it. My husband doesn't get home until after 8pm some nights, and I can't even get my stepson to clean up water on the bathroom sink. My stepson rarely plays with the cat which results in him crying and wandering around the house looking pitiful, until I have mercy on him. So how in the world will he walk the dog?! He hates to do anything physical, and would prefer to just play xbox 360 all day, and I do mean all day long. My husband loves to golf, and once warm weather hits, he'll be golfing Tuesdays and Saturdays for many hours. So who is going to be left to care for this dog, who will need attention and exercise. Yep you guessed it, yours truly. So I used Godly wisdom, and dug my heels in on the dog issue. So I know this was a long post, but I'm a writer, what can I say? So questions for today are:
What makes you feel like wonderwoman?
Should stay at home mothers responsibility include taking of care of pets?
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
The plot thickens....
Yeah, I know. Long time since last post, but let me give you an update anyway. My family size has increased. No, I'm not pregnant! My husbands (teenage) son has come to live with us full time. Now your probably wondering how I feel about this development. Well let me say I have mixed emotions. It has put a lot of extra work on me, and unfortunately with my husbands schedule, a lot of the responsibility falls to me. What I do know for sure, is that this will be good for my stepson. I just have to kinda suck it up, and get with the program.
One thing I'm learning about motherhood is that it's never about you! It's always about the kids, or the husband or the house, but never about you. I gave my gym membership to my husband and stepson, because lets face it, I was never going to get there. Sometimes it's so hard to find a space of time for myself. I'm taking two classes this semester, and I'm behind already. I feel like such a failure sometimes. That is the one thing I miss about working. Being good at something. When I was at work, no matter what job I held, I did it well. Now being a sahm (stay at home mother) it's like I can't get a handle on it. I'm not the perfect mother, not the perfect stepmom, and not the perfect wife. Sometimes the house is messy and cluttered, and sometimes my dinners suck (like my dry lasagna last night). Sometimes my kids sit in front of the tv all day with little interaction from me. Sometimes I look like crap when my husband comes home, and my breath stinks! So much imperfection can make you feel really lousy. How do other sahm's cope?
So I'm not striving for perfection this year, but I am striving to improve. I'm buying healthier foods, and utilizing moderation when feeding my family (I feel so responsible when they eat unhealthy). I'm trying to increase my cardio, and get some exercise in. I have at least one event planned daily for kids that doesn't involve tv. Above all I'm keeping everything very loose and if I choose to deviate from my schedule, then so be it. I'm really going to try to enjoy being home this year, and I'm working on getting my childrens book published this year. I hope to try to post to my blog everyday (which would fulfill my "write everyday obligation I made to myself last year"). I had a birthday on Sunday (37!) and I'm noticing some laugh lines under the eyes! I can't believe I'm 37 and still dealing with a lot of the same insecurities from my twenties.
With that in mind my questions for today are:
Are you still dealing with issues/insecurities in your life from five or more years prior?
How much time do you allow for yourself on a daily basis?
Had motherhood and/or marriage killed your inner diva?
Love ya,
The Diva
One thing I'm learning about motherhood is that it's never about you! It's always about the kids, or the husband or the house, but never about you. I gave my gym membership to my husband and stepson, because lets face it, I was never going to get there. Sometimes it's so hard to find a space of time for myself. I'm taking two classes this semester, and I'm behind already. I feel like such a failure sometimes. That is the one thing I miss about working. Being good at something. When I was at work, no matter what job I held, I did it well. Now being a sahm (stay at home mother) it's like I can't get a handle on it. I'm not the perfect mother, not the perfect stepmom, and not the perfect wife. Sometimes the house is messy and cluttered, and sometimes my dinners suck (like my dry lasagna last night). Sometimes my kids sit in front of the tv all day with little interaction from me. Sometimes I look like crap when my husband comes home, and my breath stinks! So much imperfection can make you feel really lousy. How do other sahm's cope?
So I'm not striving for perfection this year, but I am striving to improve. I'm buying healthier foods, and utilizing moderation when feeding my family (I feel so responsible when they eat unhealthy). I'm trying to increase my cardio, and get some exercise in. I have at least one event planned daily for kids that doesn't involve tv. Above all I'm keeping everything very loose and if I choose to deviate from my schedule, then so be it. I'm really going to try to enjoy being home this year, and I'm working on getting my childrens book published this year. I hope to try to post to my blog everyday (which would fulfill my "write everyday obligation I made to myself last year"). I had a birthday on Sunday (37!) and I'm noticing some laugh lines under the eyes! I can't believe I'm 37 and still dealing with a lot of the same insecurities from my twenties.
With that in mind my questions for today are:
Are you still dealing with issues/insecurities in your life from five or more years prior?
How much time do you allow for yourself on a daily basis?
Had motherhood and/or marriage killed your inner diva?
Love ya,
The Diva
Monday, November 3, 2008
Taking care of mommy!
Okay, so it's been a while since my last post. Although the title is "taking care of money", I definitely haven't been doing it! My entire summer was spent trying to prove to myself, husband and anyone else that I am wonder woman. I think we all do that sometimes. Take on all of these things, and then when we don't get the appreciation we think we deserve, we get upset. Won't we ever learn?....
Well let's update. I no longer work the night retail position. Get this, my husband asked me to quit, because he says the home was being neglected! Yeah exactly, that's what I said. Well even he realized this comment came off as chauvinistic, and he switched it up. He claims that I looked sooo tired from working sooo much, that I should just give it up. Well, I wanted to keep my employee discount (loved that discount) so I told him I would think about it. Had no intention on quitting, but would you believe the next week, they told me that the night crew was no longer needed?! I lost my little job, just like that. Oh well, I was kinda tired. I also stopped the babysitting as my husbands job location changed. He's home later, and later so his pickup is so irregular that I can't plan anything through the week. This is rather disappointing, and makes me feel so trapped. I would love to get a seasonal job in the evening just to see people, but I don't have anyone to watch the kids. Hiring a babysitter would cost more than I actually would make in retail, plus we only have one vehicle. Guess I'm stuck. I'm trying to remain optimistic though, I figure if I continue my schooling, then in a few years I will have a career.
I am also trying to pay more attention to me. Taking better care of my hair, skin and nails. I used to be so good at that stuff, from the clothes to the shoes, to the purses. Now, I feel like that frazzled lady at the mall. I'm just somebodies mama. Did a ponytail rollerset last night, and gave myself a facial. I still have to flat-iron my roots, and next time I won't use as much setting foam. I'm going to polish my nails tonight. I also want to try on a lot of things in my closet, and make an attempt to tailor what I can, and give away the rest. I'm tired of holding on to old stuff I can fit. I want to look sexy and cute again, and get those second glances from men when I walk down the street. Now if a man takes a second look, I figure their admiring the kids, not me! Marriage makes you forget that your desirable.
I also want to start working out, if I can get my lazy butt to the gym. I guess I just have to do it, and that would be nice break from the kids. I'm going tonight, no matter what!
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