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Thursday, July 7, 2011

betwixt and in between

I was doing so well with posting, but I slacked off...  I missed sharing my life with you guys even though I sometimes cringe at the things I've revealed.  I always think, am I too honest in this blog?  Will the things I reveal come back to bite me in the arse?  I'm careful to only reveal my own personal issues but still...  Oh well-how can I truly claim honesty if I'm not honest in my writing..  So here goes...

I have been plagued the last couple weeks with indecisiveness.  I make up my mind about my life and career and literally minutes later, I change my mind again!  I know!  It is so frustrating, and the the biggest problem with this is I always without fail tell someone my new "vision" for life.  Just to change it days later...  I know I must look and sound like a flake to my relatives and friends.  Heck I wouldn't even believe the next time I claimed I had finally made a decision.  Why am I so indecisive?  Yall beats me!  I struggle with wanting to pursue my dreams, and wanting a career/job that pays something right now.  Lets be honest, mama's not getting any younger nor the mortgage payment any smaller.  With forty looming and the kids approaching all day school, I need to focus on life after "stay-at-home-wood".  Then I'm face with a new dilemma.  How do I balance everything?  As well as I still have a few issues with self-confidence, and battle constantly with myself on my self worth for not being able to contribute to the home from a monetary standpoint.  Yall I'm a work in progress (smile)

My biggest determent to returning to the workforce and completing my degree is childcare.  Women who have the God given blessing of relatives who babysit their children for them either free, or darn near free should be thanking God every day.  With jobs paying less and less money, it's hard to pay for childcare and still have enough left over to justify going to work!  Now try it when you've been out the job market for a few years and have to start back at the bottom rung of the pay scale.  Even after they are in school all day, after school care can run you at least $800 monthly for two kids.  Then you run into the problem of transportation to get them to after care. 

Now those are all just the harsh realities of the world right now, but my decisiveness is a whole different ball game.  It seems every career I set my eyes on that might pay a decent salary are besieged by recent college graduates, who are still looking for work.  Teachers can't find work.  Nurses can't find work.  Writers can't find work.  You start wondering if anyone is working!  So what to do?  What to do?  Well I guess I'll step out on faith and lfollow my dreams....  So as it stands I have  an appointment to see a transfer counselor into a ---you know what?  I'm not going to tell yall (just in case I change my mind!).  Just know that I'm still on that grind to complete my BA and pray my success.

Questions for the day (which yall never answer).

Does your job reflect your dream?  Did you pursue your dream in college, or a job?