Taking time for yourself

So I saw the play "Fences" over the weekend...

It was sooo good! We had great seats, and Denzel was incredible. The play really moved me, and made me think. I must say this was one of the best plays I have seen. It was the first time in a long time, that I was able to really dress up, and go into NYC. Usually when we go into the city (and believe me people it isn't often) I'm wearing flats, or in the winter Uggs. My husband has drilled in to me "dress for city walking", but this time I had the stilts on! The kind of shoes Wendy Williams wears, and people I felt sooo sexy. I figured if we can spend that much on play tickets, then he can splurge for a cab. I gave my hair a fresh wash, and flat-ironed it out, AND had the toes and nails done. Now I did feel a tad bit hoochie, cuz my dress was a wee bit short... but hey I don't get too be a hoochie often, so I enjoyed it. We went to dinner at B Smiths, which wasn't that spectacular, but the ambiance was good, and we even had after play drinks, which we never do. I even splurged on a $18 dollar sangria (isn't that insane!). It's usually in and out of the city for us, but this time it felt like... It felt like I was me again. I was me again!My eyes are getting a little wet as I write this, but I felt like I did, when my hubby (then my boyfriend) first took me into NYC. The years fell away, and I was "THE DIVA" with all caps. I felt young, sexy, and desirable. I thought to myself "this is what I imagined life would be like when I moved to NY". The only thing is, what goes up, must come down.... Cinderella and her Prince had to go home, pick up the kids, and pay the sitter. Then it's back home to the messy house I left in preparation for my night out. Don't you love reality? I'm not even going to lie, I didn't miss my little boogers one millisecond I was gone. Terrible mother aren't I? We didn't go to sleep until well after 3am (I told yall I was looking sexy...) and stayed in the house all day on Saturday, recuperating from our Friday night. Not as young as I used to be.....

Taking some alone time

So it made me think. If this made me feel so good and alive then why don't we do it more often? I guess what I'm really beginning to understand is that life is all about balance. Too much in one direction and everything topples over. Too much time doing the mommy stuff, and not enough alone time with hubby, makes for problems. Sometimes as mothers we get consumed by our kids, and just consumed by our "superwoman" attitude. Like take this play for example, I'll be honest, I wasn't tryna to spend two hundred and some odd dollars on a play! But my sister gave me some good advise not to long ago. She's been married twenty years, and I figure she knows what she's talking about. She said "anytime your hubby wants to do something without the kids, girl go!" You see I was that person that would say, "well why don't we do something as a family" when my husband would suggest we get a babysitter and do something. I would worry about the cost of a sitter, or worry about the kids at the sitter, or worry that hubby wasn't spending quality time with the kids... You get my meaning, I would just worry, and in the meantime he would get still get his alone time, while I would just sit there with the kids, pissed off at him. I'm learning people. I'm learning......

I remember a episode of "Sex in the City" where the chick who had the baby, was going away with the other women on a girls weekend out. Well her "babys daddy" at the time (I think she later married him) got cold feet about watching the baby by himself, and wanted to bail. Well she was furious, and so her housekeeper offered stay with him, and help him watch the baby, to which he agreed. But she was still furious and refused, because she said that she watched the baby all the time, and he should take some responsibility and watch the kid too. Now she was definitely right, but to what expense? So Carrie finally fed up, and wanting her friend to go on the trip was like "Girl, just throw some money at it, and lets go!"

This is my new anthem, just throw some money at it. Now is every situation like that? No, of course money can't solve every problem, but it sure can alleviate some stress. Sometimes we so caught up with being right, that we cut our nose off to spite our face. So now rather than getting all bent out of shape at hubby for not offering to stay home with the kids, and giving me some alone time, I just throw some money at it, in the form of a babysitter and I go and take me a break. This summer rather than running around like a chicken without a head, looking for free things for the kids to do, I threw a little money at it. I signed them up for a one day a week summer camp, so that I could have some time to myself. Now I will still have to find some other free activities for other days (I'm not rich), but at least I have one day. Now I know what your thinking, "well what if you don't have the money to throw?" Well then make a payment arrangement and throw some bill money at it. Stress kills people. I guarantee it would be a lot cheaper in the long run, than money spent on a divorce attorney, or defense attorney for killing your husband. You will always have bills, but you won't always have time, so what's more valuable? Now of course you can't do it all the time, use some common sense. But every mommy should have one day a week, where a couple of hours are just hers. Once that babysitter bill gets too high, maybe hubby will start offering you some "free" time. Even if you have to suck up your pride and ask your cranky mother-in-law to watch them, do it. Yeah she may talk about you, but you will get some time to yourself. Oh and you are not allowed to do anything work related on this time off. No grocery shopping, no cleaning, only mommy time or self time. Go read a book, or get your nails polished or take a walk. Or how about this, go to the mall and actually try something on. Don't just put the item up against you, because you don't feel like taking the kids into the dressing room.

I'm getting pretty good at this taking time for myself stuff, now I still feel guilty as hell when I do it. I still worry about the money I'm spending, and I feel like I'm a bad mommy for not spending that time with the kids, BUT I know this is good for me. I know that it makes me a better mommy, wife, and person when I take time for myself. Men do it all the time and don't give it a second thought. Hubby spends every Saturday on the golf course for six to seven hours, and guilt never enters into his mind. Why? Well I asked him, and you know what he told me? He said "I feel like I deserve a day off, after working all week?" You hear that? He deserves a day off. Yet I was feeling like that I didn't even deserve a few hours off. You know what? He's right, he works hard and he deserves a day off. You know what else? So do I, and so do you. As I said before, it all goes back to our own value of self worth. So now when I drop those kids off too the sitter, or write that check for summer camp day, I imagine hubby on the golf course enjoying his "deserving" day off and I try very hard to enjoy my few hours. Still working myself up to a whole day... Baby steps people. Baby steps.

Oh, and I saw another comment from my post yesterday. I am so jazzed up right now! Whoo Hoo!

Two questions for the day:

What activity makes you feel sexy and alive again?

Do you take time for yourself, and if not, why?