I'm growing. Well sort of....

Okay so its been only seven months since my last post... Well, before you talk about me, in my defense, it used to be at least a year between posts, so..... Baby steps people. Baby steps.

I feel myself in a different place lately. I don't complain as much, and I think I'm doing better at that whole martyr complex of mine. I'm trying very hard to not see myself as a victim so much, and start recognizing that it starts with me. If you want change and progress, you can't wait until someone else initiates it, or helps you. You have to take charge, and make progress in spite of the things going on around you. I mean sure it would be nice if the people around me would offer more assistance with the kids, so that I could write (just a small complaint there). BUT if they don't, then I can't just sit around and complain. I have to write, in spite of the noise around me. Even if it's only a couple of words.

Now I am really geeked up right now (yep I said "geeked", and it really showed my age). I just happened to look at this blog, just to see if anyone has ever read my heart-wrenching posts, and.... I HAD ONE COMMENT! I am just cheesin extra hard right now. Somebody read my blog! I feel good. Oh, and it was a recent post, back on June 4, it has inspired me to write more. What if someone else is reading it, but just not posting? Yall what if Oprah is reading my blog. Okay that's a stretch, but you never know....

Okay time for updates on my life. We are now a family of four. My stepson decided to part ways and move back with his mom. Mixed emotions people.... I feel like we could have provided him with a better home, but I was gettin real tired of his antics. Possibly just plain old teenager antics, possibly some deeper emotional problems... You just never know. Well he was in cahoots with his mama, and they did it all on the down low. Late night phone calls with his law guardian.. Secret phone calls taken outside... Poor hubby didn't find out until he went to court on something totally different, and was told by the boys law guardian that he wanted to live with his mama! Hubby was so hurt, and felt so betrayed. The deceitful booger wouldn't even tell his dad why. Come talkin some foolishness about "I don't want to talk about it". The courts give these kids too much power, but that's what happens when you involve the courts in your life. So long story short, custody trial again, and this time they went solely on what my stepson wanted, and since he said back to mama, he is going back to mama. Which means back to child support, back to control issues, back to overcrowded gang school, and back to mediocre grades. It's really sad when you think about it. He was doing so well here academically, and would have branched out socially given the chance. Unfortunately he didn't have the support from his mama, and she played the victim but good. Had him all twisted up, talkin all disrespectful to his Dad. He was feelin himself and tried that crap with me... Yeah you know I told him off but good. Years ago, I would have ignored it, and waited for my hubby to deal with it, but I've learned over the years that this is the wrong approach. Kids respect you more, when you stand up for yourself. I let him know that he wasn't the authority in our home, and that he had better watch his tone, and how he spoke to me. Lord knows he doesn't speak to his mama like that. When his mother would call, it was "yes mommy", or "no mommy". Yet when he spoke to his Dad, it was "whatever!", or some other craziness.

I must say things are a lot more peaceful since his departure. Although I know deep down hubby misses him. I think...(smile) I have no regrets. I treated him fairly, and I showed him love and kindness. One thing I have always said is that, when he becomes an adult, he will never be able to truthfully say that I was every anything but nice too him. That was a goal and promise I made to myself when I first married my husband. I promised myself that I would never judge my stepson by his mother or fathers actions. Now sure I get truly pissed by flaws in both their parenting skills that I in turn had to suffer the consequences for, but hey life is unfair sometimes. I'm not a perfect parent either, and I can recognize that we all make mistakes. I was talking to my mother-in-law today about my stepson. I told her that because he is a teenager, a lot of his selfishness, and attitude, and other less than pleasing character traits are excused. Yet their comes a time when teenagers turn into young adults, and at that point we will get a true sense of his character, and we can no longer blame teenager moodiness for these traits.

Isn't that so true? At some point in everyones life, you have to stop blaming your character on issues going on around you. "Well, if he would act right, then I wouldn't always have an attitude!", or "I'm so bitter and unhappy because everybody did me wrong!" At what point do you grow up and recognize that perhaps this is just who I am? At what point do we take responsibility for our own character flaws, and attempt to correct them? Okay my question for today are:

What are your character flaws, and are you blaming someone or something else for them?