Child support is a touchy subject...

Yet knowing I'm a stepmother you can figure it was bound to come up. I admit I've been on both sides of the fence. Before I was married, I was pro-baby mama all the way. "Make that man pay", I would holler. In fact I can remember a girl I used to work with, collected child support for two kids she had from a previous relationship. He had remarried and she would refuse him visitation if he was late with payments. She took great joy, at slammin the door in his face, when he came for visits, and great joy at taking his money. Now back then, and I was younger, so don't think to harshly of me, but back then I thought to myself, "good, he needs to pay that money!". Now a small part of me, did find the fact that she refused him contact with his kids over money, a bit shady, but again I was young so I would just gloss over that part. She didn't need all the money she was receiving. She was spending it on frivolous things, like a motorcycle that she didn't have a license to drive, so it sat in the garage for years. She would loan money out to people who would never pay her back. She would buy crap and then give it away because she had no room for it. Basically she was trickin up this man's child support money, now her kids seemed well taken care of, and she was always had them clothed in the latest expensive item. She flat out told me, that she was pissed that he had remarried, and didn't care if he didn't have enough money to support his new family. In her words, "he shouldn't have gotten married, and had kids, mine come first!". In a way I kind of thought that too....

Flash forward years later, to my own marriage.

Hubby paying support that they had agreed upon, child is well taken care of, no drama, UNTIL we married. Just as soon as she realized that I wasn't just another girlfriend, and we were getting married. Drama with a capital D. Now all of a sudden, the support being paid wasn't enough, and it's back to court ordered support. No phone call to say "hey, we need to readjust the support", no discussion, nothing, just papers in the mail. Oh and visitation withheld, just for the hell of it. You see their was no custody agreement, or support agreement in place, they didn't need one. They were both working professionals, and had worked out a money arrangement that they were both satisfied with, and that took care of the needs of their child. Everything fell apart after that, and there has been nothing but DRAMA ever since. It's affected the child, her own family, and my family, all over money. But is it over money....? Let's be raw here. Child support, in this case, and maybe more cases than people are willing to admit, is about CONTROL and REVENGE. For a lot of women, child support is how they can get back at that man, for not loving them, or not marrying, or in some cases for being a low down dirty dog, or lets face it for their perceived feelings of being done wrong.. "Gurl, get that paycheck", friends tell each other, "hit him where it hurts!".

Yeah it does hurt. It hurts a mans pride, when he's made to look as though he is some deadbeat father in court, when he isn't. Now there are some deadbeats out there, lots and lots of them, but not all of them. Sometimes there is just a bitter, angry women who figures she has no other way to get this person back, than to hit his wallet. Child support has become big business, for some people. It pits wife against ex wife, ex girlfriend, and can sometimes tear a marriage up, if you let it.... I praise God every day that I wasn't brought up to love money. I like it just as much as the next person, but I don't love it. If hubby's ex girl wants money, if that what keeps her warm at night, then so be it. God will bless us to make more money, but will he bless your vindictiveness?.

Oh and get this, did you know that child support in NY is until the child is 21, even if that booger never goes to college! Yep you heard me, that child (or adult, since that's what he now is) can sit on his mamas couch eating Doritos, and she is still entitled to child support. Now if he does go to college, then the support goes directly toward college tuition and the remainder (if any) goes to the custodial parent (usually the mama). How foolish is that? Now I believe a parent should help a child go to college, but what if you have one of those kids, who is just in college foolin around? You know good and well if the courts were not involved, and your son or daughter was at college wasting your hard earned money, and not going to class, you would withdraw your support, and tell that buster to get a job! People who pay child support don't have that right, they have to pay regardless. People don't get the courts involved in your lives, learn to compromise!

Now I know some women are probably cheering, "well good!". Yeah you cheer, until the tables are turned, and your on the other side of that table. Believe me you, my hubby's ex sung a different song, when she was under the burden of those same child support laws. Now it became "poor me, I can't afford to live". To her son, who she wasn't even supposed to be discussing these things with she said "Your Fathers taking all my money, and I could lose my job at any time" causing a rift between him and his Dad..

Guess what? Studies show that a woman is more likely to be more of a deadbeat than than a male when she is made to pay child support. In fact, look at this excerpt from a 2002 Fox News report "The percentage of "deadbeat" moms is actually higher than that of dads who won't pay, even though mothers are more consistently awarded custody of children by the courts. Census figures show only 57 percent of moms required to pay child support -- 385,000 women out of a total of 674,000 -- give up some or all of the money they owe. That leaves some 289,000 "deadbeat" mothers out there, a fact that has barely been reported in the media. That compares with 68 percent of dads who pay up, according to the figures. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,59963,00.html


Now aint that about nothing!

More and more fathers are winning the rights to be custodial parents. Oh, and don't think the mother has to be unfit to lose custody. They look at other factors and your demeanor in court weighs heavy. I haven't decided yet how I feel about fit mothers losing custody.... What I do know, is that some mothers need to be more willing too cooperate regarding child support, before they are on the other side of that fence...

My question today is an assignment. If you were made to pay child support, could you afford it?

Take your adjusted gross income, and if you have one child multiply it by 17% and if two by 25% and if three by 35%. Now people that amount is your child support obligation for the year, divide it by twelve and you get your monthly child support obligation to your child. This amount doesn't take into consideration your other children (if you have any) from any previous relationship, or anything else. On top of this you still need to provide health care (which your probably paying for) and in addition to this, if your child is not school age, then you will pay for child care.

Looking at your current financial situation, answer honestly, could you afford to pay that amount every month?