My Monday Rant

So it's M0nday.... I can remember back when I was a carefree single girl with no kids that I dreaded Mondays. They were an end to my weekend and a start of another work week. Now I still dread Mondays but my reasons are entirely different. The main reason is that I'll be alone with the kids again while my husband goes to work. He'll get a break and I won't is pretty much what it amounts to. They (the children) awaken early and thus begins the begging. I need milk! I'm hungry! Can we go somewhere?! Isn't it amazing how kids will repeat the same thing twenty times until they get it? If only I could be that persistent then I could maybe nag my husband into completing all these half completed projects around the house. Or maybe I could nag myself into becoming a published author.

My husband really pisses me off sometimes. He has the audacity to open his mouth and utter complaints and gripes about what I don't do while I sit there looking at all the crap he's started and never completed.

Let's start a list, shall we?

Holes in the ceiling from a yet unfinished recess light project, A half painted wall in the hallway that he started a year and a half ago. A microwave oven purchased three years ago that still hasn't been installed in the kitchen and sits in the basement collecting dust. Linen closets and bedroom closets with no doors. Windows with no blinds. Dry wall patches never painted only sanded. Daylight peaking through gaps that need to be caulked before Central Hudson comes and gets our first born for payment. The insulation of the entire home that he starts every few months completes a little bit and then stops. The atrocious lawn that has more weed than grass that he rarely does anything with including raking leaves or mowing the grass. The handrail that he never put up by the stairs so that the children teeter precariously as they go up and down. The garage that noone can use because he pushed all the junk from the basement that he never finished into the garage (this was so that he could do the floor of the basement-but he never completed it) making it unusable. So now when it rains the kids and I just get soaked as I run from the house to the van. The storm door that was never purchased and installed which further inflates the energy bill. The ceiling in the hallway that he just HAD to put a pull out door in. This was because he needed to get into the attic to insulate... Yeah that same insulation project that he started two years ago and still has not finished. So now every fall/winter the kids and I walk around in sweaters and jackets while he sits in a nice, warm office and repeatedly calls to make sure that I'm not turning up the heat to high. The window pane that freezes and ices over because it's missing an outside pane that he never replaced. Did I mention the basement? Yeah I did but I forgot to mention that the whole wall seperating the garage from the basement is missing... Yep missing. You see he removed that wall when he gutted the house. The bathroom downstairs that will probably never be finished. He's slow with all projects but bathrooms in particular are slower than most. The last bathroom he did in our old condo required us to stay in a hotel and then once that became to expensive, with his mama! The ceramic in the foyer that he never grouted. The grouted floor in the kitchen that he never sealed after it was grouted so now it needs to be grouted again. The stair case that nees to be painted because it looks all cruddy and nasty. The outside door that needs to be painted and the peeling paint around the door that gives it that "I don't care how my house looks appeal". The peeling pink paint around the garage that needs to be removed and painted. The pictures sitting on the floor that need to be hung. I think I mentioned that we still have paper blinds on windows after three years? Yeah I did.

Now you may think to yourself well why don't you just hire someone? Uh Uh that's a big "NO" in my husbands book. First of all their is the financial aspect of hiring somone that he says we just can't do and then their is the reason he won't talk about. Control. Yep he's a control freak who can't admit he's a control freak. We could budget the money to get one project done at a time but he doesn't want to pay anyone what he thinks he can do. In a lot cases he can do it and he is very talented at what he does, but he just never finishes anything.

Our house is a testimony to all of his unfinished projects and I have become so disgusted at looking at them that it cause me not to want to do anything at all. I look at him sometimes and I just get so angry. It can't be healthy to feel this much anger, yet I love him. I came into marriage so naive. I always assumed that in a marriage what was important to you would be important to your spouse. Yet that's not the case. In marriage selfishness rules and I haven't quite learned how to be selfish. I'm trying but it's still very hard for me. When I complain he says that he doesn't do a lot of things because I won't keep the house up. Lies. Even though he attempts to make me feel like an incompetent housewife, I know that I'm not. I'm not perfect but do a whole lot more than a lot of wives and stepmoms would do. I used to get all upset and then attempt to be all that he wanted me to be but now I say "whatever!". He is definitely not perfect and neither am I. So what the hell you come home and their are toys on the floor. You have kids, get used to it. Or who cares that you washed a load of laundry when you got home from work or washed dishes. This is your home too and contrary to your belief system it's not just MY job to take care of the home and children. It's my job when your at work but when your home we SHARE in the responsibilities.

I'm getting fed up with a lot of crap that has been going on in my life. I need to take more control. I need to get selfish...